This letter has two peculiarities: first, it is only a draft with many deletions and corrections; secondly, though handwritten by Anthony Mary, it is signed A.P.A., the initials of Angelic Paola Antonia (Negri). So, either it was composed by Anthony Mary on behalf of largely unlettered Paola Antonia, according to a custom of the time, or Paola Antonia dictated it to him, which may explain the many corrections and deletions.

Be that as it may, this letter is a precious testimony of how mature Christians, whether clergy, Religious, or laity, corresponded among themselves and counseled one another in the midst of secularistic Italian Renaissance and in the freer, non-regimental, pre-Tridentine catholic world of the time.

Layman Francesco Cappelli, the addressee of this letter, with fine spiritual discernment had previously advised Paola Antonia not to lose the all-important guiding light of faith which enables one to distinguish between true and false humility, true humility and self-doubt, true humility and inaction. In this letter Paola Antonia returns the favor: "...you too, sweet father, take care lest you should make the very same mistake I have made, for it is very deplorable to lose that interior light that has always given us life."

Francesco Cappelli, a nobleman of Verona, was indeed an outstanding Christian layman. Intimate friend of St. Cajetan Thiene and the Theatines, he was as well a very close friend of the Barnabites. In 1537, at the time of their Verona mission, he and his wife joined the Marrieds of St. Paul. Incidentally, this circumstance places this undated letter between 1537 and most likely the fall of 1538 when Anthony Mary became engrossed in the affairs of Guastalla. Later on in Rome, where he was a trustee of Holy Spirit Hospital, Francesco lent his support to the Barnabites embroiled in controversy over their relationship with Paola Antonia, the Angelics in general, and Fra Battista da Crema. An autograph letter of his, kept in the General Archives, shows how much he loved the Barnabites and how displeased he was with their adversaries.

Understandably enough, this letter, signed only by Paola Antonia, was first kept among her papers. At the end of the last century it was rightly placed among Anthony Mary's other autographs (N,b,II,13). First mentioned by Premoli, it was first published in Rivivere, and it was later included in Le Lettere. On August 21, 1968 this autograph was donated by Fr. Giovanni M. Bernasconi, Superior General of the Barnabites, 1964-70, to the Angelic Sisters.

This letter heads a collection of 133 letters of which 70 are published and 62 unpublished. Like Letter 12 these 132 letters are only signed by Paola Antonia. However, they were almost certainly authored by Fr. Giovan Pietro Besozzi.

To the honorable Mr. Francesco Cappelli.

In Verona

Most cordial father in Christ, greetings,

Several times I have desired to send you my greetings, but my rather poor health has prevented me from doing so.

You must know, most sweet father, that I have reflected over and over again on your loving words. I have found them so useful that I have resolved to come out of the lethargic state of my spirit. In fact, I have convinced myself of one thing, that, under the semblance of false humility and the pretense of having no spiritual graces, I have weakened and almost breached my commitment to help others. My scruples, besides, aggravated this situation by suggesting that anything I thought of saying or doing proceeded from vainglory, which, blinding my mind, made me talk and act in that way. Those suggestions seemed real to me because I was most busy helping others, and made no personal progress.

Thus I have buried my talent of helping my neighbor. And little by little I have lost the initial fervor to bring people to Christ. As a result, I have lost also the clear vision of the spiritual state of my own soul. At other times, while I was looking into other people's spiritual situation, I was led to renew my own; and while trying to affirm them in their spiritual journey, I felt affirmed in my own. But now, on the contrary, the fear for other people's spiritual life has struck me with such doubts about my own as to feel paralyzed.

And so now, afraid of my very shadow, I tarry in lukewarmness because, as I have already said, I lost my pristine light.

I would have suffered a lesser evil if, while leading others, I had been partly covered with dust but kept that pristine light. Instead, I suffered a greater evil when by leaving those others I lost that light. It was that light that animated my spiritual light and that, at the end, would have removed the dust itself.

See, amiable father, what an excessive fear does to one's susceptible temperament: on the one hand, not to be afraid of it and not let ourselves be annoyed and disturbed at times by others always causes us to remain oversensitive; on the other hand, to be afraid of our own shadow, as we try to avoid a pitfall, causes us to fall into a far greater one.

Besides, if we wish to become totally self-assured, we must fight and let ourselves be tested; and after having fought for a long time, we cannot leave great battles to pursue lesser ones.

Therefore, you too, sweet father, take care lest you should make the very same mistake I have made, for it is very deplorable to lose that interior light that has always given us life.

Well, I feel certain that, considering my sad experience, you will not make the same mistake. As for me, because of your fatherly words, I have decided to devote myself to the care of the spiritual welfare of my neighbor. By so doing, I hope to grow in Jesus' love; and the good Lord crucified will give me back the spiritual light and fervor, which used to keep me spiritually alive. At last, I shall be living in certitude, not in deadly doubts that made me suspicious of any inspiration that I was receiving. Rather, with the help of Christ and of your prayers, I am confident that I will again recognize what is true from what is false, and what is certain from what is doubtful.

Can you see, now, very dear father, what a great benefit I have received from your words? Oh that I could talk with you every so often! But, until I have the opportunity to see you again, be kind enough to write to me once in a while. In reading your letters, I will feel like I were talking with you and being comforted by you, to the point of being able to rest in the midst of this ocean.

That's it for now.

Many good wishes and regards to Madonna Anna and to Cecilia from me and Father. He will write to you at some other time. He recommends himself to your prayers, to Mr. Agostino's, Mr. Gerardo's, and everybody else's.

A[ngelic] P[aola] A[ntonia Negri].