Youth
|
Theresa's journey towards God and becoming a novice
|
Life for me has taken the strangest twist. Five years ago,
I would never had imagine or thought that this is where I would be -
living with a community of nuns.
In mid-2004, everyone thought I
had everything going for me. I had a job which I always wanted. I had a
comfortable apartment and was 'free' to live as I will. Yet life was
empty. God had been in the background of my life and I could not bring
myself to come back to Him. I always knew what I wanted in my career but
the day came when I was not sure about it either. So I started trying to
figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I still remember sitting in
church one Sunday during the Advent season of 2004 and not knowing what I
wanted with my life. What is my purpose? And how do I fulfill it?
So I started my search in a very tentative fashion and God revealed His
presence. I sat in church during mass and felt His call to live a
different life. I thought it was ridiculous. I tried hard to dismiss it yet
I still feel God gently moving me. I searched the web for information of
the two religious orders that I knew and found the Canossian website. So I
decided to call the Canossians and hope that it will be settled by a phone
call. I had hope that when I call the Canossians and tell them my age,
they will tell me I am too old to join them. Well, that did not happen and
so I started on a journey with God and with them ... a journey that led me
to this point of now being a novice and living with them.
The
journey had been one where there is the constant awareness of the presence
of God and His love. There were of course moments of pain, moments of
fear, moments of anxiety but always there is God. God with his comforting
and reassuring presence during prayer, God as experienced through the love
and care of the sisters, friends and family and God in the challenge for
me to go beyond what I dare. The challenge was and still is to love, to
trust and to commit my life to Him.
Postulancy
I
started staying with the sisters in May 2007 and in July 2007 I decided to
apply to join the Canossians as a postulant. I was glad when I got the
letter from Sister Anne Tan telling me that my application was approved.
In the run-up to 15 September 2007, the pace of life was hectic but the
realization of how much God loves me increased and there were moments when
I felt that I did not desire nor love God enough. However, God as usual
reassured me and so on the Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows, I officially
started as a postulant. In the words of our Foundress, it was indeed the
moment that I give myself to the Lord and desire to commit myself to the
service of others. I felt happy - happy that with the help of God, the
sisters and the many people who journeyed with me, I am able to take this
step of offering my life to him. I also felt excited - excited and alive
at the thought of all the possibilities, challenges and adventures that
will come with this commitment to God. I also felt reassured when Sister
Anne in her welcome said that the road ahead may not always be smooth and
easy but God will always be there and the community will always be there
too.
As so this marked the start ... the start of a phase of further
commitment to God and of more intense search for how to live so that
Christ will increase and I will decrease.
Novitiate
As with all journeys, there are many phases and beyond the postulancy was
the novitiate. Having spent time living with the sisters and also time
listening and deepening my relationship with God, I knew that that this
was where God is leading me to. Despite getting promoted at work, the
desire and call remained. Life prior to my entry to novitiate was hectic -
shifting my accommodation, sorting out things at work and making various
arrangements for my elderly parents as well as trying to find time to
prepare myself for this big step. Although many difficult situations did
arise, the assurance from God and his loving presence was always evident
and all situations were resolved in a timely manner. As a friend once told
me, if God wants you, He will clear the path for you and that was what He
precisely did!
The day of the entry was on 19 July 2009 and it was
heart-warming to feel the love as the sisters gathered on that Sunday
evening for prayer to mark the occasion. "Where two or three are gathered
in my Name, there am I in your midst" - and indeed God was present. It was
a simple prayer session but it was one which touched all present and in
particular it marked the start of another phase of transformation of my
life. The start of novitiate was not easy. It was hard letting go of the
familiar rhythm of daily life of work and events but it was also with
anticipation and hope that I look forward to accepting and responding to
the opportunities that God is providing me. To date the biggest
consolation and assurance from God was on the Feast of Our Lady of
Sorrows. The Love of Christ on the Cross and the perfect discipleship of
our Mother Mary serves to encourage me to continue to learn to follow
Christ Crucified in a chaste, poor and obedient life, and to respond to God's challenge for me to go beyond what I dare.
Beyond -- to love
and to care just as our Foundress, Magdalene of Canossa did. |
|
|
