God's Gift To Me

     I am Sr. Rubina Safder, from Pakistan. I believe that my vocation is God's gift to me. I heard His voice calling through the different events in my life.

     I am happy that I opened my eyes in a Catholic family. My parents are both religious and my mother is devoted to St. Anthony. My parents tried to pour their love on us and gave us good formation according to their education. My vocation started from a very ordinary activity.

     When I finished high school I joined a prayer group through the help of a friend. This group focused on three main activities: taking care of the church, singing for Mass, and visiting families. People invited us to pray with them. My mother became worried because we would go home late in the evening. But deep in my heart I knew that God was happy about my service and sacrifice.

     When we visited the families, I would be touched by their poverty. They could not go to church because the church is far. I prayed for them as I prayed for myself. Once, I tried to test Jesus if He really existed. "If you do exist, show me yourself." Moreover I asked Him what He wanted from me. But he did not answer.

     One time coming from my college I found out that my father, who is diabetic, was brought to the hospital. My mother had gone along to take care of him. I got worried so I started to cry. Then suddenly I thought of praying in our parish church. I knelt in front of the Blessed Sacrament and I prayed to Jesus to show me His love and pour it on my father. I knew my motivation was not good, because I wanted to test Jesus. However, I prayed with faith.

     When I returned home, my mother was back from the hospital so I asked her about the condition of my father. She told me that he would come home that day because he was already feeling good. I remembered my prayer. I could not explain the happiness and the joys I felt that day. I told my mother that I prayed for my father. She smiled at me with love and gratitude.

     Then one day I told my mother about my desire to become a nun. She started to cry. I asked her why. She told me that she had wished to offer my elder sister to God for His service. But she could not because my elder sister was not healthy. I consoled her, "Look Mom, God loves you so much although you cannot see it. That is why He fulfilled your desire through me; and I know that it will be difficult for you and for me. But let me go." Then she kissed my forehead. I again told her just to take care of my sister and God would take care of everything.

     After two months, I entered the convent. It was very painful to leave all of them. We were seven girls who entered. During our pre-postulancy, three returned home. By the time we were about to finish our postulancy, I alone was left.

     Seeing that I was alone, I became distressed and told my formator to let me go home also. However, she told me, "Ruby, take courage. God has done all things for them, but they did not respond well. In your case, He is still helping you because He loves you so much." I was touched by her words. Then one day she told me that the delegate superior had decided to send me to the Philippines for my novitiate. That was really a big surprise for me. I did not want to leave my family and friends. However, I could do nothing against the decision of my superior. So I said "yes."

     In 1999, I arrived in the Philippines. I felt very strange to be alone because everything was new to me, the people and the place. But the Sisters and the people are very hospitable and kind. They really showed their love for me. My big difficulties were the language and the food, but as a sociable person I was able to adjust.

     Jesus has given me the courage to face all the challenges. This time, I am already more than two years in the Philippines. I have just made my first religious profession. I will soon go back to Pakistan. I thank God for the wonderful experience in the Philippines, for my community and most especially my formator and my companions in the journey. I will miss all of them. But I know that my greatest treasure is Jesus Christ Himself, whom nobody could take away from me. I want to end my vocation story with a prayer:

Dear loving Jesus,

     Source of all joy and everlasting life, remain in me always. Fountain of life, cleanse me always and make me a thirsty deer desirinq always to drink from your side. Be with me always. Take all my anxieties and worries and turn them into loving prayers that I may love you more and more.

Sr. Rubina made her first religious profession as a Daughter of St. Paul in Lipa City, Philippines on June 30, 2001. She is now serving in Pakistan. Ed.

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