The Winds of Change

"Jesus said to Simon, 'Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching
men.'" Luke 5:10

Tommy had always been told that life would seem to go in fast forward when graduation approached, but he seemed stuck in space and time as he sat in his English class that late-May morning.
The class was covering a novel written by Oscar Hijuelos, called "Mr. Ives' Christmas." Tommy was actually interested in this novel because it addressed something that was worth reading about. The novel talked about Mr. Ives' journey to faith, one that took the whole of his life. The book wasn't very popular with most of the class, who preferred the action found in a novel they covered earlier, "All Quiet On the Western Front." It seemed to Tommy that he was the only one battling with the questions that Ives had wrestled with for his entire life.
This particular class, however, was not very interesting to any of the students, including Tommy. The teacher, Mr. Michaels, was a decent lecturer, and usually he labored to keep his class interested. This particular class was an exception, however, as Mr. Michaels decided today was to be a composition day. He had written the assignment on the board: "How can you relate to Mr. Ives' situation? Have you ever found yourself wondering if there is a God, and if there is one, why exactly the world is the way it is? Use examples from your own life."
This fit Tommy's situation perfectly. If he so desired, he could write a book; there were two basic reasons why he sat in the classroom, chewing the top of his pen instead of writing. The first, easiest reason was because Tommy didn't like to write; he couldn't find a way to express what he was feeling with pen and paper. Such seemed to be the case for the rest of the students as well, even with the class' star student, Johanna, sitting at her desk on Tommy's right, staring out the window, winding her blonde strands of hair between her thumb and forefinger.
The second reason Tommy didn't start writing was that he didn't think that his situation was very special. After experiencing the roller coaster of emotions that he had gone through over the past months, he came to the conclusion that it was something that everybody would have to go through at some point or another.
A lot has happened to me as far as developing a relationship with God is concerned, Tommy reflected, as much as happened to Mr. Ives' relationship with God; only it happened to me in the space of months, not that of a lifetime. Tommy remembered how he had found out about how his parents had died; he remembered butting wills with God, and he remembered how God had won. He recalled how God had come closer to him bit by bit, putting a vocation in Tommy's sights before most people would have even acknowledged God's presence.
Tommy relived how he had accepted God's invitation, and how he had worked for months to develop that invitation. He especially remembered Easter, how that experience shaped his relationship with God. Tommy knew that it was one thing to know God, to be able to see him, and it was another to be able to call him a friend.
Easter had never meant much to Tommy in the past. The time leading up to the celebration, Lent, just meant that he couldn't eat meat on Fridays. And the Triduum had meant to Tommy that he would have to go to church a lot for a period of time.
It was different for Tommy this time around, and he made sure this difference started as soon as the Sign of the Cross was etched upon his forehead on Ash Wednesday.
What Tommy saw this time was a way to come closer to God, a time meant for repentance. Tommy began his journey toward God by reading about him every day. His Bible became more and more creased and worn as he spent time perusing God's many messages upon waking. Fasting no longer was a burden, but rather a way of reminding him that God was important. The Triduum no longer was a time in which he went to church more than he wanted to, but rather a part of the Passion of his Savior, a part in which he had the honor of participating.
Tommy particularly remembered that past Good Friday service. He was sitting toward the front of St. Mary's with his grandfather during the noon service that commemorated the death of Jesus. He recalled watching the lines of parishioners come up to venerate the Cross. He watched as some genuflected, some bowed, some kissed, and others knelt down and kissed the wood of the Cross. St. Mary's Cross was constructed of two large slabs of rough wood that seemed to be joined by an "x" of rope, but Tommy was sure that there was more holding them together.
By now Tommy had heard the phrase about taking up one's cross so often that he almost had it memorized, but once again it came to his head, "Whosoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me." He knew that Jesus meant what he said. Tommy was just trying to be sure he picked up the right cross; he was trying to be sure that he was supposed to become a priest.
The phrase kept running through Tommy's head as he watched men, women, and children all come up and venerate the Cross of Jesus. The Crucifix stood before Tommy's eyes as he contemplated his life, as he contemplated the life of his Savior. Nobody could ever give as much as he did, Tommy thought, but all of us can still give. How much do we have to give? How much must we put forth to answer his call? Does giving equal answering his call?
Maybe, Tommy reflected, to answer his call is to give one's life totally to Christ. I know, he thought, it seems so simple, so elementary, but when I look around myself, do I see many people who have actually done this - given themselves totally to Christ? Yes, Tommy concluded, in a word, yes. All these people were baptized in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. But how many of these people have given themselves to him totally in their daily lives.
Does one have to live as a religious in order to dedicate one's life totally to Christ? Of course not, Tommy laughed to himself. All he had to do was look at his grandfather to know the answer to that question. And so Tommy did just that, he had looked at his grandfather, kneeling at his right, his grandfather's old, wrinkled face examining the Cross of Jesus which stood tall before them. No, one did not have to be a priest to be holy, all one had to do was live the way Jesus said to live. Tommy knew this, and at the same time was sure God was calling him to live in holiness in a different way, as a priest.
That moment in front of the Cross, and all of Easter had been a time that afforded Tommy with much growth in his relationship with God. He thought about this relationship and where it had led as he sat at his desk that balmy, late-May morning.
He had all his correspondence from Father Perry, the diocese's vocation director in his English folder, and was looking forward to meeting the man later that day. Maybe things were starting to move a little faster, Tommy thought, as he fished Father Perry's first letter out of the folder. First it'll be this visit tonight, and then it'll be visiting the seminary over the weekend. After that it'll be graduation and State Track - even if I don't get to run in an individual event, thought Tommy wistfully.
With his mind on everything but his English assignment, Tommy looked at Father Perry's first letter for the millionth time in the past few months, reading it to himself again.
Dear Mr. Thomas Hanson:
I recently received a letter from Rev. Christopher at St. Mary's, saying that you were interested in learning more about the priesthood. Well, I'm your man, being the vocation director for this diocese. I am glad to hear you are expressing interest in becoming a seminarian for this diocese.
Being a senior in high school, it is too late for you to enter our high school seminary, so you would be joining our ranks of college seminarians. These seminarians pursue normal college degrees, while living in a seminary atmosphere. I'll tell you much more in further letters, and perhaps a visit, or even a tour of a seminary if it can be arranged.
I look forward to hearing from you. Remember that you are in my prayers, and God bless you in your effort to understand your vocation.
Yours in Christ,
Father Perry
Tommy put the letter down and leafed through the others. There were letters that explained what seminary life would be like, where he would have to go to school, what constituted a call to the priesthood, and almost any other thing that Tommy ever wanted to know. The only thing left for Tommy to do was to wait until he met Father Perry in the evening.
And of course he had to get through this boring English class, and the rest of the day first.
Glancing to his right at Johanna, whose head was starting to bob, her notebook just as blank as Tommy's, he looked out the window at the track. Port Christopher High had a track that would probably be considered average by high school standards. At least it wasn't a blacktop track, Tommy thought.
His mind wandered to the sectional meet that had taken place on that very track last Saturday. He wasn't much better at track than he was at cross country, but when put on a relay with three of his teammates, he was good enough to get to state. The two-mile relay was his event. Each runner got to run 800 of the 3200 meters, handing off the baton as they went.
Matthew was, of course, the star runner on the relay, and because of this had the honor of anchoring it. Tommy was the third runner, while Ollie started them off, and Stephen followed him. The four of them had managed to sneak into the State Meet by edging out the third place team. They had run an 8:39, one of the slowest qualifying times in Wisconsin. Tommy knew he had run slowly enough, 2:16 compared to Matthew's 1:58. Tommy also knew that if Zeb hadn't qualified in the mile, he would be taking Tommy's place, being much faster than Tommy.
Tommy's mind shifted to Matthew. He remembered the intense pain that losing the State cross country meet had caused him last fall. He recalling thinking that Matthew would never get over that race.
It had been a week after State that Tommy had forced Matthew to get over it.
The weather was starting to get cold, the leaves were leaving the trees in droves, and Tommy and Matthew were driving back to school in Matthew's pickup after lunch.
Matthew wasn't very talkative that day, nor had he been all week, and Tommy thought that it was high time he started focusing on the rest of his life, and not brooding on last week. "Matt, you know that we don't think less of you because you lost."
"I know, Tommy," Matthew said, not taking his eyes off the road.
"Look," said Tommy, exasperated, "I know how much that race meant to you, but it's only a race. First, remember that we were the State Champions - that's gotta mean something to you."
"It does," Matthew shot back, taking his eyes off the road, "but I still wanted to win. Everything I worked for came down to winning that race, and I didn't!"
Tommy frowned. "There's more to it than one race. Think about life, for instance. You're bound to make mistakes, that's a given. If you let one of those mistakes, one of those shortcomings ruin you, how'll you ever make it through your life? State was just one race. You aren't done yet… Remember that there's track in the spring, and then for you there'll be running in college. You're not done yet; don't let this one race ruin you."
Matthew didn't have a response, but he seemed to slowly take Tommy's advice. He started running again a few weeks later, and was doing just fine now in track. Tommy was glad to see that his friend had survived this downfall, and had gone on with his life.
Running meant a lot to Tommy, and he knew he was going to miss it when he went to college next year. Matthew can have his running, and I'll be a seminarian, he mused. Wow, he thought to himself, a seminarian! He still wasn't sure what all that word entailed, but he did know that being a seminarian would be how he would be fulfilling God's call.
Tommy looked around himself again, surveying the class full of students. For so long he hadn't fit in, hadn't known what he was going to do. Now he had a reason to go on, a lead to follow. His life could be in fast-forward, and he wouldn't worry nor care one little bit.

CHAPTER TEN

Encountering Father Perry

"And I said, 'Who are you, sir?' And the Lord replied, 'I am Jesus whom you are persecuting. Get up now and stand on your feet. I have appeared to you for this purpose, to appoint you as a servant and witness of what you have seen and what you will be shown.'" Acts 26:15-16

With legs still sore from the day's run, Tommy hopped on his bike for the short trek home from school. He was very excited about Father Perry's visit this evening. He and his grandfather would have the priest over for dinner and a short chat before Father Perry had to head out, his schedule hectic.
Tommy looked around himself as he coasted down the slight decline that led to his grandfather's house. The trees were beginning to get greener, and the birds were making plenty of noise. Late May was one of Tommy's favorite times of year in Wisconsin; he loved the way everything seemed to spring to life after a long, dreary winter.
Father Perry would arrive any minute now. It was already five-thirty, Tommy saw as he checked his cheap, digital watch. Father Perry said he would show up a little after five-thirty, depending on the road conditions. The weather was just fine, Tommy observed again as he left his bike leaned up against the house, and went in to check on how the dinner his grandfather was preparing was coming along.
"I'm home," Tommy called as he shut the back door behind himself.
"Good," his grandfather answered from the adjacent kitchen, "come set the table."
The old house wasn't very large, with three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a small living room, and the kitchen. Noticeably missing was a dining room, but luckily the kitchen was the largest room in the house.
Tommy entered the spacious kitchen, seeing his grandfather stirring the spaghetti on the stove. The wallpaper was a little old, peeling in the corners. There weren't cabinets lining the walls, as is the case in most kitchens, but rather all the dishes were kept in a single, large cupboard that towered all the way to the ceiling. It was out of this large contraption that Tommy removed the good china, first setting three plates, then three coffee mugs on the table.
The table was old as well, having been in the family for many generations. Its one greatest attribute was its sturdiness, having survived so long with nothing to show for it but a whole lot of scratches on the surface. The table was set against the wall, on the opposite side of the doorway from the gigantic cupboard. Tommy set the three places, with his place toward the far wall, and his grandfather's across from him; Father Perry's place was set to the left of Tommy's. As he set the silverware, both he and the old man heard the sound of a motor making its way up the driveway.
"I'll let him in, Grandpa," Tommy said, as he headed out the door.
Father Perry's car was a new, maroon Chevy Lumina, just a little dirty from its trip. Tommy ran over to greet Father Perry as he got out of his car.
"Are you Thomas?" the priest asked, reopening the Lumina's door, and putting the seatbelt all the way in the car.
"Yes, Father Perry, I am - but call me Tommy" he answered as he took the man in. Father Perry wasn't a small man, and it looked like he ate well. His face was open and friendly, but he needed a shave. Father Perry looked a little harried, but other than that seemed to be prepared, having a small, leather-bound appointment book in his left hand. "Come in and I'll introduce you to my grandfather."
"Okay, Tommy," Father Perry answered as he followed Tommy up the steps and into the small home.
"Grandpa," Tommy called as he led Father Perry into the kitchen.
"Why hello," the old man answered, catching sight of Father Perry as he washed his hands in the stainless steel sink. Drying his hands with the dish towel, the old man shook the stout Father Perry's hand. "My name is Sam - also known as Grandpa."
They both laughed.
The old man looked at the stove and said, "We cooked some spaghetti; it's not much, but it shouldn't kill you."
Tommy grinned as Father Perry said with equal wit, "I certainly hope it doesn't."
"Both of you sit down," Tommy said, indicating to the table. "I'll serve it up."
Both the old man and the priest sat down, Tommy's grandfather getting beers for Father Perry and himself in the process. Tommy lifted the kettle of spaghetti off the stove, got a hot pad, and put it on the table.
For a man of his size, Father Perry didn't eat very much, at least not according to Tommy's "growing young man" standards. As a matter of fact, Father Perry seemed to do a lot more talking than eating. He began with general questions: asking how Tommy and his grandfather were doing, how school was going, what Tommy was interested in, and all the little things that a vocation director would have to know about a possible candidate.
Finally Father Perry opened himself up for questions that Tommy or his grandfather might have.
Tommy began by asking something basic. "How long does it take to become a priest?" he inquired.
Father Perry wiped his face with his napkin and answered, "For you, starting fresh out of high school, it takes all of eight years. The first four years are spent in college seminary, and the last four are spent studying Theology at a major seminary. Most seminarians are ordained as transitional deacons in their third year of major seminary."
"What makes minor seminary different from major seminary?" Tommy asked.
"Well, traditionally a seminarian studied philosophy in college seminary. That is still somewhat true because you will be required to get a sound base in philosophy or psychology, but other than that, a language requirement, and a few other special classes, you'll be allowed to pursue any major that interests you, if the traditional studies don't. We want priests who are well rounded, ones who have developed their talents."
"I've heard that Latin is hard," said Tommy shuddering, "Will I have to study Latin?"
Father Perry paused before answering, "I would prefer that you study Latin because it gives you a good base to study English, and also will give you the ability to understand more of the liturgy since everything used to be in Latin. No, Latin is not required by this diocese - though some of the seminaries require it - but remember that you'll have to take a language because you'll be in a liberal arts program."
"I don't know," mused Tommy, "I really don't want to study Latin."
The old man spoke up, "What exactly is it that Tommy will be doing in the seminary?"
"A lot," Father Perry answered, chuckling. "Actually he'll only be doing two basic things, studying and praying - but he'll be doing a lot of studying, and a lot of praying. More specifically, Tommy will have a normal class load, whatever he decides to take, and he'll attend classes with the other college students, whether he decides to go to St. Thomas or St. Mary's. Did we talk about where you're going yet?" Father Perry asked Tommy.
"No."
"That's okay; we'll get to it later. Anyway, seminary is very structured. The day will normally start with prayer. Probably a period of private prayer followed by Mass. Do you have a Breviary yet, Tommy?"
Tommy looked at Father Perry with a quizzled look on his face.
"A Breviary, or Divine Office, is the official prayer of the Church. All priests are required to pray it at least twice daily, Morning Prayer and Evening Prayer. Everybody is encouraged to use the Divine Office, and seminarians are given the opportunity," Father Perry smiled, "to pray the Office in the morning and the evening."
The stout priest looked puzzled as he asked, "Where was I?"
"On prayer," Tommy and his grandfather responded.
"Oh, yes," Father Perry settled in his seat, sipping at his beer. "Prayer is considered very important in seminary, and seminarians develop a strong personal prayer life in their time spent in college. The seminary provides a Spiritual Director who will meet with you occasionally, and the Blessed Sacrament is always reserved in your house - the seminary, making it much easier to have a place to pray."
"What about service," Tommy inquired, "is there a lot of service required?"
"To the best of my knowledge both of the seminaries you could go to require some sort of service work. I know for sure that you'll teach a CCD class; other work could be done in soup kitchens, nursing homes, and places like that."
Tommy looked at Father Perry, "I've looked at both St. Mary's University and the University of St. Thomas, and they both look like good places to go. I've already been accepted to St. Thomas, the one in the Twin Cities, but I was wondering which one you think is better."
"Well," answered Father Perry, "I can't really say one is better than the other. I went to St. Mary's for my first four years. Have you looked at the two different seminaries as well?"
"Yes, Immaculate Heart of Mary is the one at St. Mary's, and St. John Vianney is the one at St. Thomas. From what I've seen on the web sites, St. John Vianney is the larger of the two."
"Bigger doesn't necessarily mean better. That's the one you arranged the visit for, though, isn't it?"
"Yes, I get to go down to St. Paul this weekend. The Rector, I think his name is Father Baer, will be there."
"Are you leaning toward St. John Vianney or Immaculate Heart of Mary?"
Tommy thought about it for a minute. "I think that right now I'm leaning toward St. John Vianney, and this is for a number of reasons. The most important is the fact that I'm already accepted at the University there." Smiling, Tommy added, "Plus, I've never lived in a big city before, and I want to try it out. Winona isn't very big, while St. Paul is."
Father Perry spread his hands and said, "I leave the decision completely up to you. Make sure you think it through before you make up your mind. Are there any more questions?"
Tommy thought for a minute, seeing his grandfather do the same. "No," Tommy answered, "I don't think I have any more right now - though I'm positive that I'll think of some the moment you leave!"
"In that case I had probably better be going," said Father Perry, getting up from his place at the table.
Tommy and his grandfather got up as well. "It was nice to meet you," the old man said, shaking the stout priest's large hand.
Shaking Tommy's hand as well, Father Perry headed toward the door. "Oh, one last thing," the priest said, turning back around. You'll have to be accepted by the Bishop as a seminarian before we can send you to seminary. It's a pretty formal procedure; you'll be put before a panel of representatives from the diocese, and they'll ask you a few questions."
"Do you think they'll - he'll reject me?"
Father Perry laughed. "No, you'll do just fine. Are you available on Monday?"
Tommy nodded.
"Good. I'll send you email with the details about where to go, what you'll need to bring, and all that stuff."
Father Perry turned to leave, and this time he did amidst a chorus of "good-byes" from Tommy and his grandfather.
Tommy turned to start the dishes as he heard Father Perry start his car in the driveway. His heart raced as he thought of all he had just learned. There was so much to do, and so little time in which to do it!
CHAPTER ELEVEN

The Seminary

"Watch carefully then how you live, not as foolish persons but as wise, making the most of the opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not continue in ignorance, but try to understand what is the will of the Lord. Ephesians 5:15-17

Tommy admired the beauty of the late-May morning as he headed down Interstate 94 toward Minnesota in a battered Chevrolet pickup, generously loaned to him by Matthew. The air felt crisp, rushing through the half-open window of the truck, and Tommy could see the trees with their brand-new leaves lining the road.
A little afraid that Matthew's truck would fail him, Tommy wasn't going very fast, but seeing how the Interstate was so deserted, Tommy was not creeping along either. Today was a big day for Tommy. He would see the seminary, St. John Vianney, for the first time, and he felt his heart race as the truck sped toward the state border.
Never having been in a big city before, Tommy took in as much as he safely could with interest as droves of buildings started to replace the cornfields. With the buildings came traffic, and Tommy drove carefully across the mighty Mississippi, and into the state of Minnesota.
It wasn't much later that Tommy found himself looking down at his directions, confirming his exit from the Interstate. He had to find the Cretin-Vandalia exit. Turning into his exit a little later and taking a left, Tommy found himself disappointed by his first glimpse of the University of St. Thomas. For having 10,000 students, the University looked rather small.
Tommy had to drive around the campus a few times before he finally found the drab, ordinary building labeled St. John Vianney Seminary. Parking Matthew's pickup in the visitor section, Tommy got out of the truck, and looked around.
Five stories high, the brick seminary looked pretty ordinary to Tommy. The building was a mostly rectangular box except for one large section that jutted out into the parking lot. This section, along with the rest of the building, had a flat roof, except this roof was made special because the end farthest toward the parking lot protruded toward the sky. Judging from the stained glass windows, Tommy guessed that this section must be the chapel.
Walking toward the door, Tommy was surprised to see it yanked open by a young man with short, blonde, cropped hair, who was wearing a polo shirt. "Hello," the young man said, "You must be Thomas. My name is Nathan," he continued, sticking out his hand.
"That's me," Tommy said, shaking Nathan's hand. "Call me Tommy. Nice to meet you."
"Come on in. Father Baer is waiting for you. I'll go get him."
Tommy followed Nathan into the seminary, Noting the large poster board with pictures of many young men on his right - he assumed they were the seminarians - Tommy went into the main lobby, seeing the large icon on the far wall, with the doors to what Tommy assumed was the chapel to the left of the icon. To Tommy's right by the windows was a waiting area, and Tommy sat down as Nathan went to get Father Baer.
It wasn't long before Tommy heard the distinctive clickety-click of loud shoes on the tiled floor. Glancing up from the L'Osservatore Romano, the Vatican's official newspaper, Tommy saw a middle-aged, stout priest coming toward the waiting area. As Tommy stood up to greet Father Baer, he examined the man. Wearing the black clerics of a priest, the thing that stood out most about the man was his smile. Father Baer had a smile that seemed almost wider than his face to Tommy. Wearing glasses, the man seemed to exude a wonderful aura of energy as he strode purposefully toward the waiting area.
"Hello, Thomas," the stout priest cried as the two came together. "My name is Father Baer, and I'm the rector here at Saint John Vianney."
Tommy returned Father Baer's greeting, noting that while Father Baer had a smile that couldn't possibly be any bigger, he could see that the man would not be a person he would want to go against, a quality that could come in handy as the rector of a seminary, or in any other position of leadership.
"Come," Father Baer continued after the two exchanged niceties, "I'll show you around."
The two explored the chapel first; Tommy's assumption was right. It was a tastefully plain chapel with a large mosaic depicting the feeding of the multitudes behind the Altar. There were Stations of the Cross lining the right wall, and the Blessed Sacrament was in a small reservation chapel to the right of the main chapel, a red candle marking the entrance.
Moving to the reservation chapel, Tommy observed the Tabernacle, golden and shining, that was shaped like a house. On his right, he observed the beautiful, small statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary, holding the infant Jesus in her arms, which stood to the right of the Tabernacle. Tommy listened as Father Baer told how it had been painted by a lady from Spain, and how the lady had to fly all the way to the seminary to touch the statue up after it had started peeling in the new climate.
Father Baer and Tommy genuflected together before leaving the reservation chapel and heading down two short flights of stairs to the seminary's basement, peeking into a meditation room and the sacristy on the way.
Entering a large room, Father Baer explained, "This is the Vianney room. We use it for large gatherings when we have the whole seminary together. Usually we have Sunday night announcements down here. There is a game room with a pool table there," the priest said, pointing to the left, "and a kitchen on the other side."
"Who's in the painting over there?" asked Tommy, pointed to the large portrait on the kitchen's side. In it was a man with a Bible in his left hand, with his right arm around a young boy who was pointing into the distance.
"That's St. John Vianney," Father Baer explained. "Do you know much about the saint?"
"No, not really."
"Well, St John Vianney is the patron of parish priests, and the namesake of this seminary. He was a priest in France last century who was not very well-educated, but was ordained because of his holiness. His assignment was in Ars, France, and when he was looking for the town, he ran into this shepherd boy," Father Baer said, pointing to the boy in the painting. "Vianney asked the boy which way Ars was, and the boy showed him. In gratitude, St. John Vianney said, 'You have shown me the way to Ars, and I will show you the way to Heaven.'"
"Cool," Tommy said.
Father Baer smiled and crossed his arms. "Do you have any questions about the seminary?"
Tommy thought for a moment. "How many seminarians are there?"
"There are 97. That ties us for the most of any college seminary in the nation," Father Baer added, a hint of pride in his voice.
"And how many priests?"
"Four including me," the priest replied.
Tommy couldn't think of any more questions at the moment.
"I'll show you what the rooms look like," the priest said, leading the way back up the flights of stairs to the second floor, moving more quickly than Tommy thought he could.
The rooms were double, with large desks and plenty of study space.
"So I'll have a roommate?" Tommy asked.
"Yes, all first year men share rooms. Later on you'll get your own room."
Tommy was sure he could handle that, though he had never shared a room with anyone before. "Where are the bathrooms?"
"All the men on the floor share one large bathroom with many showers in it."
Tommy wasn't so sure he liked that idea, but he was sure he could put up with that as well.
"Do you have any other questions?" Father Baer inquired.
"No, I don't think so."
"Good," the priest said, "We'll go back down to my office. I'll call up Nathan, and he can take you to the caf to eat, and show you around the campus as well. It was nice to meet you Thomas. We'll be glad to have you in the fall."
Tommy and Nathan spent that afternoon exploring the campus. Tommy got to see the some of the buildings, with names like Aquinas and Albertus Magnus, and the library as well. The two ate in the caf; Tommy didn't like the food very much, but he was sure he could survive the food as well.
Much later Tommy pulled out of the seminary's parking lot in Matthew's old pickup, his mind full of swirling possibilities. He had seen a lot he liked, in fact he liked everything he had seen that was important. Tommy knew that seminary would be a lot of work, but he knew that it would have to be a lot of work to prepare him for the priesthood.
At the same time, doubts entered Tommy's head. Was this what he was called to do? Was he called to spend eight years studying? Tommy saw Father Christopher working hard among his parishioners back home. Tommy wanted to be doing that right away. Thinking back to the past six hours, Tommy didn't remember seeing a lot of what he considered to be his vocation at the seminary.
The seminary was a place of study, a place where things were learned. Tommy knew that he needed to learn the things that he would be taught in the seminary, but at the same time he found it hard to accept the fact that it would be eight long years before he would be anywhere near where Father Christopher was today.
Tommy found himself praying, asking God for guidance as he entered the Interstate. How can you want me to spend so many years here when I could be serving your people right now, God? Tommy asked, is all this really necessary? God, you seem to be calling me to the priesthood, but I don't feel called to live as a seminarian. Why do the two have to go together.
Finding that the answer wasn't easily forthcoming, Tommy clenched his teeth and passed a slow-moving semi. I'll do it, God, Tommy thought to himself, but just because you're calling me to the priesthood. A voice inside Tommy seemed to say, you can't see this as a stumbling block, it'll spoil everything. Tommy listened to the voice, and resolved that he wouldn't look at seminary as a stumbling block.
How should I look at it then? Tommy asked himself. I must look at it as preparation, Tommy resolved. I cannot look at it as a wall to climb, but rather I must look at it as part of my vocation. I guess it's simple logic, Tommy thought, if God's calling me to be a priest, then he is also calling me to be a seminarian. All priests are seminarians before they are priests, so the two go hand in hand.
A little comforted, Tommy relaxed, noticing that the Interstate was much less crowded now that he was out of the Twin Cities. He smiled. There was so much to do, and it was all happening so quickly! Tommy's life had twisted itself in a new direction nearly a year ago now, and within the next few months, it would twist in a completely new direction once again.
The one thing that separates this twist from my original conversion, thought Tommy, is that I'm prepared this time.
CHAPTER TWELVE

A Theological Contemplation with Matthew

"Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18

Shadows of the greening trees were lengthening as Tommy drove back into Port Christopher that evening. Matthew lived only a few blocks from Tommy and his grandfather, and Tommy intended to drop the pickup off at Matthew's before heading home.

Almost forgetting, Tommy pulled in at one of Port Christopher's two gas stations, and filled the truck's tank all the way. That's the least I can do, Tommy thought.
Driving into Matthew's driveway, Tommy had to make sure there were no little kids in front of the truck. Matthew had nine brothers and sisters, six of them younger than himself. It seemed that the whole horde of them came out to greet the return of their older brother's truck, sending up shouts of joy.
Stepping out of the pickup, Tommy picked up little Kimberly, swinging her high in the air. "How're you doing," he asked her as some of the other younger ones clung to his legs. She just smiled, her little face crowned in red curls, until he put her down, then she cried to be let back up. Looking around, Tommy asked, "Where's Matt?"
It was Gabrielle, Matthew's little sister who was in middle school, who answered, "I think he's inside."
Towing little kids on either leg, with more running ahead, Tommy was headed toward the house when Matthew came out the door.
"Hey, Tommy," he called over the din. Did you wreck my truck?"
"I don't think you'd be able to tell if I did," Tommy answered, looking at the battered pickup with a rueful grin.
"You want to grab a bite to eat?" Matthew asked, looking around at the mass of young humanity spilling over the lawn.
Tommy shrugged his shoulders. "Sure, why not?"
"Me too, me too," came the chorus, with Gabrielle being the loudest, but the next youngest little girl, Ryann, getting in on the action as well.
"Nope, not tonight," Matthew answered, expertly freeing himself from the tangle of arms and legs, and helping Tommy to do the same.
Hopping back in the truck, Matthew driving this time, the two escaped from the hands of the young mob, angry because they couldn't come with.
A little later, in the town's large park that bordered the Wisconsin River, Matthew and Tommy were enjoying large ice cream cones. The sun was setting, and Tommy was grateful that the mosquitoes weren't out in full force this early in the year. It was a little chilly, but both Matthew and Tommy were wearing long sleeves.
They were sitting on a picnic table, looking out over the calm waters of the large river. Pine trees lined the banks on both sides of the river, some seeming on the verge of falling in. Tommy pointed out a fish, probably a carp, as it jumped free of the water, searching fruitlessly for an insect.
Matthew spoke first. "What did you think of the seminary?" he asked between licks of his ice cream.
Tommy looked at the water thoughtfully, noting how the little waves lapped against the shore. "I'm not sure."
"What do you mean, you're not sure?"
"Well… It seems like a great place, but it's not the same as the priesthood."
"Did you expect your training to be the real thing?"
"I'm not sure what I expected. The system there is really nice. I can see how it turns out good priests, it's just that being a seminarian isn't the same thing as being a priest."
Matthew grinned, barely noticeable in the growing darkness. "Does this mean you're going to quit, and we can go chasing pretty women?"
Tommy smiled as well, shaking his head. "I don't know about you sometimes, Matt. No, I'm not going to quit, and you'll have to chase pretty women by yourself. All the same, I still wish I could just jump right into things."
The two sat for a moment, licking their ice cream, the cones more than half-gone.
"Do you really think you would be ready if they just let you jump in?"
"No," Tommy said, "probably not. I just feel that there is so much to be done, and looking at seminary, I see that it isn't a place where those things get done."
"Look at it this way," Matthew said, showing wisdom that Tommy had no idea was there, maybe even surprising himself, "seminary is just like any other type of training. Someday I hope to help people in the area of marketing. I want to be able to provide products to people who need them, regardless of how much money they have, without losing money in the process. In my mind, that's how a business should be run: as a service that provides products and jobs to people, giving without taking back more than is needed."
Matthew let the conversation lull for a minute to take in a little more ice cream, and the beauty of the quiet night as well. "If I tried to venture out into the world right now and make a business like that, I'd end up bankrupt, or give up trying to get off the ground. I need a background. I need to learn, to establish contacts, and to make a firm foundation on which I can build my dream."
Having Tommy's full attention, Matthew continued, "The way I see it, seminary is the same way. It is the base upon which you will build the foundation of your ministry. You need to learn everything they teach you before you can go out into the world and be a priest. I've paid attention to the work priests do, as I'm sure you have."
Tommy nodded.
"I see priests who do a really good job, and I see priests who have good intentions, but don't seem to know how to get their point across. There seems to be more to this than God-given ability. I think that some seminarians take to heart the fact that they need every little bit of what they learn in seminary, while others just stumble through, wanting to be priests, and being willing to do anything to become priests. Both
types of seminarians - or priests - are probably called by God to their vocation, it just seems to me that some listen to what he has to say about perception and attitude, while others go their own way."
Tommy could see what Matthew was trying to say, and in a way it almost seemed like Matthew's hypothetical argument was God's answer to the prayer Tommy had prayed earlier that day, traveling down Interstate 94.
He too saw priests that could relate, and priests who seemed to just muddle along. Tommy didn't know what kind of priest he would be, but he knew that he wanted to try hard to be the kind of priest who could relate.
So he answered Matthew, "I see your point, and it's a good one. I'm going to learn a lot that I'll need in seminary, so I'll have to enter the 'sem' with my whole mind, and my whole heart. It's not something I can put a half-hearted effort into, but rather a way of life, being part of my vocation."
Matthew smiled, slapping Tommy on the back in the dark. "Since when is winning an argument with you so simple?"
"Come on," Tommy protested, "that wasn't an argument. I was just voicing my concerns. You didn't win an argument, all you did was point me in the right direction."
"You just don't want to admit you lost an argument," Matthew said, getting up now that his ice cream was gone, starting to walk along the beach with his hands in his pockets.
"Sure, whatever you say, Matt." Tommy got up and joined Matthew.
"Are you going to win the two-mile this year?" Tommy chided Matthew, changing the subject.
"Of course."
"You'd better have enough left to anchor our four-by-eight relay, then."
"Tommy," Matthew said, turning and looking at him, "you know we aren't going to medal in the relay, don't you?"
"Yes, I know," Tommy sighed, "Probably not. But we can still try - it will be the last high school race for both of us, you know."
"Yeah, don't worry. Even if we're in last place with 200 meters to go, I'll kick it in for us."
"I have a question for you, Matt."
"What?"
"Do you think that running relates to God?"
"What do you mean?"
"It seems to me that when I run, my mind is clearer than it is at any other time. Most people think of running as being really hard all the time. They seem to think that your mind has to be focused on putting one foot in front of the other. That's not the way it is for me; when I run my mind wanders a lot."
"How does that make running relate to God?"
"Nobody can deny the fact that God is so great he will never be understood completely - he may be the most simple 'being' in existence, but he's so simple that it's beyond the grasp of the mind. My mind wanders to God when I run, and I think about him. I think about the mystery of the Trinity, or about why Mary is so important. Sometimes I think about Jesus' sacrifice, and all of this seems to make so much more sense. Does that happen for you?"
Matthew pursed his lips. "I don't know; I've never really thought about it before. I guess my mind wanders when I run; I would just have to focus it on God." Matthew laughed. "That's sort of silly - focus my mind on God so that my mind can wander into thoughts about him."
"Here, I'll help," offered Tommy. "Say that God is the main idea you want to think about. Keep you mind focused on that one idea - God - and all the thoughts that drift through your head will be about God."
"So it's almost like meditating?"
Tommy thought about that. "Yeah, I guess it could be considered meditating. Since you're so wise this evening, tell me, what exactly do you consider to be prayer?"
"I guess my definition of prayer would be a dialogue with God."
"So you think that prayer is talking with God?"
"Well," Matthew thought for a moment, "I think that prayer could be anything that is related to God. Didn't St. Paul or somebody in the Bible write that we are supposed to pray without ceasing, that we are supposed to pray in everything that we do?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Then everything we do could be considered prayer so long as we keep our lives completely connected to God. Praying without ceasing wouldn't mean saying Our Fathers, Hail Marys, or even the Jesus Prayer constantly - not that doing that is bad," Matthew made sure to add, "But praying constantly would mean keeping one's life focused on God."
"Does that mean that running our four-by-eight next Saturday could be a prayer?"
"I guess that according to my definition, not only could running the four-by-eight be a prayer, but so could everything we do up to the point of the race, and everything after the race as well."
"So why aren't we constantly praying?"
"That's a good question… We'd better get to work!"
They both laughed and walked along the shore, two good friends lost in the depths of their beautiful, theological contemplation.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN

The "Girl" Issue

"You shall be a glorious crown in the hand of the LORD, a royal diadem held by your God. No more shall men call you 'Forsaken,' or your land 'Desolate,' But you shall be called 'My Delight,' and your land 'Espoused.' For the LORD delights in you, and makes your land his spouse. As a young man marries a virgin, your Builder shall marry you; And as a bridegroom rejoices in his bride so shall your God
rejoice in you." Isaiah 62:3-5

Tommy disliked ceremonies intensely, even when the ceremony meant that he would be done with high school. To him, ceremonies were extra. All the work was done, he had studied for four years; the graduation ceremony was just something he would have to go through to graduate.
It was the Thursday before the State Track meet. Track would last two days, Friday and Saturday, and graduation would take place on Sunday.
Tommy glanced at his watch again as he watched the teachers fruitlessly try to get a horde of seniors to stand in a straight line in the large gymnasium. It was only 1:45, and there was plenty of time left before school would let out. Tommy looked around himself at his high school class. There was such a diversity in that group of young men and women, and all of them looked as eager as Tommy was to get out of school.
There were black students, white students, Hispanic and Hmong students; there were students who looked like they got plenty to eat, and others who looked like they hardly ever got a meal. Tommy smiled, remembering how he grew up with them, thinking about all they had been through as a class, and how they all had changed.
At the same time Tommy frowned, thinking about how many of these students viewed the world. It seemed to him that many viewed the world as theirs for the taking. They were eager to get out of school in order to conquer the world. Many had dreams about how they would change the world, but these dreams usually were grandiose enough that Tommy knew they would be abandoned in the next few months. Tommy wondered how the grandiose dreams and conquering aspirations could be reconciled with the realities that Tommy saw in the world.
Tommy saw a world in which things didn't turn out perfectly. He recalled the death of his parents, a young couple in the prime of their life, with dreams and aspirations of conquering the world. And Tommy saw his classmates, so like his parents eighteen long years ago, fresh and new, heading out into the world. Things don't always turn out the way they're supposed to, and Tommy prayed for his classmates as he stood in line, praying that their dreams matched the realities of the future.
Jostling Tommy, and breaking him out of his reverie, Stephen came up behind him in the straggling line of bored students. "What's up, Tommy?" he asked, slapping him on the shoulder.
"Not much," answered Tommy.
"What do you think about this mess?"
"It's really boring if nothing else."
Stephen paused as though searching for the right words. "So are you still going to the seminary?"
"Yes, I think so."
"I have a question, then."
"Go ahead."
"What are you going to do about girls in the seminary?"
"What do you mean? You know I can't date if I'm a seminarian."
"Yeah, but remember that this is for the rest of your life. How are you going to handle never being able to have sex, or even being able to date for your entire life?"
Tommy smiled. "I know what you're trying to say, Stephen. How am I going to manage without ever being able to be intimate with a woman?"
"Yes, something like that," Stephen answered as Valerie came behind Stephen and put her arm around him.
"What are we talking about?" she inquired.
"Tommy's explaining how he's going to be able to survive the rest of his life without intimate relations with the opposite sex."
"Oh, that's right," Valerie said, looking at Tommy, "you're going to the seminary, aren't you?"
"That's right," Tommy answered.
Valerie looked puzzled. "So why is that anyway? Why can't priests get married?"
"There's a number of reasons, actually. The first is that when a priest becomes a priest, he marries the Church in a way. The relationship between a priest and the Church is supposed to be just as intimate as the relationship between husband and wife. The Sacrament of Holy Orders is much closer to the Sacrament of Marriage than most people think."
Stephen asked, "So you plan on marrying the Church?"
"I guess that's one way it gets put," Tommy said. "But even if the relationships between priests and the Church aren't always quite so close, there are plenty of little reasons why Marriage and priesthood don't go together."
"Like what?" asked Valerie.
"For starters, priests are constantly being moved all over the diocese, and I wouldn't want to be a child who had to move away from all his friends every few years."
"Well, couldn't they keep priests in one spot if they were married?
"God works through people and circumstances, but what the people are conveying counts much more than the person. The priest is less than a grain of dust when compared to Christ, who is working through them. The congregations are supposed to care more about what the priest is saying and the Sacraments he administers for them than about the priest himself. The diocese makes sure of this by circulating priests, putting them into parishes where they fit well."
"Are there any other reasons?" asked Stephen.
Tommy grinned at both of them. "In case you weren't aware, priests don't get paid much. It would be really hard to support a family on a priest's salary. I don't think that a priest could raise a family and care for his congregation at the same time - there is too much to do, and not enough money to go around."
Valerie looked up into the air, as if she was searching for a flaw in Tommy's argument. "Well, what about some Christian denominations? Their ministers are allowed to marry."
Tommy shifted uncomfortably. "I really don't want to say anything bad about denominations that allow marriage, but at the same time I think Catholic priests are able to do a much better job caring for their parishioners than the ministers of any other church. The most obvious reason for this would be the Sacraments, but there is much more to it. A Catholic priest is focused on his parishioners. He doesn't have other interests clouding his vision, no children or wife to take up his time. I think some married ministers treat their ministry as more of a job than a vocation - not that there aren't Catholic priests that don't."
Looking for words, Tommy paused. "I'll put it this way. Is Marriage a job?"
"No - at least it's not supposed to be," answered Stephen, smiling broadly.
All three, as well as a few extra interested students, started laughing.
"Priesthood isn't supposed to be a job either. Remember that priesthood and Marriage compare. There are many tasks a priest performs in order to support his parish, but the relationship between the Church and the priest is the same as the relationship between the husband and the wife. To married ministers and pastors, ministry can be more of a job, and because of that - in my opinion, at least - their ministry loses its special touch. The ministry of a Catholic priest has much more to offer."
"Okay, the way you put it makes sense, but do they really expect you to make it through your entire life without a woman?" another girl from Tommy's class, Susie, butted in.
"Who said life is easy?" Tommy exclaimed.
Susie pointed at Tommy, her impish face twisted in a grin. "You had better have a better answer than that!"
"Do you all know what the difference between chastity and celibacy is?"
"They mean you can't have sex, right?" asked Susie.
"You're only partially right," answered Tommy. "This is something they should teach about in school in sex-ed. Everybody is supposed to live a chaste life, whether they are married, single, or religious. Being chaste means we live within the bounds of our state of life. For us, single people, this does mean we can't have sex. For married couples, however, living a chaste life would mean no cheating on one's spouse. Remember that this would include lust and all those other bad things - just because sex doesn't take place doesn't mean nothing at all happens."
"What about priests, how do they fit into this?" Susie asked again, puzzled.
"Priests live a certain style of life, just like married people or single people. Priests must be celibate, which means that they can't have sex. All unmarried men and women are called to be celibate, and being married to the Church, a priest obviously cannot have intimate relations with women."
Valerie spoke up, "Isn't that restrictive though? Won't it make you feel boxed in?"
"In my opinion, the celibacy of a priest is no more restrictive than the bonds of Marriage. Just as Marriage frees a couple to become one flesh, Holy Orders is the means by which a priest enters intimately into the mystery of the Church. Being a priest wouldn't be restrictive then, but rather would be freeing, opening new doors, just like Marriage does for the husband and wife."
"I don't know, Tommy," Susie continued. "I'm not sure I agree with everything you said, but you did bring up some good points."
Time was running short - soon they would be free, Tommy thought - the line was moving at last. Tommy watched his classmates practice receiving their diplomas, one by one going up to the front, shaking hands with the principal, and receiving the diploma that would signify completion of high school.
Thinking about how he had just defended the Church's teaching on priestly celibacy, Tommy wondered if he could do it. Celibacy could be freeing, but just like with seminary, celibacy couldn't simply be tolerated, but rather must be embraced. Tommy knew that toleration could lead to problems. He thought about how he had tolerated high school for four years, and thought about how glad he was to be done.
Tommy knew that he couldn't simply tolerate being celibate, that being a requisite of the priesthood, but rather he must embrace chastity within his state of life, and embrace the Sacrament of Holy Orders at the same time, or his priesthood would be like his time in high school.
Seeing the difference clearly, Tommy tolerated the graduation practice gracefully, knowing that he could no longer tolerate things, but had to embrace them instead.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Running so as to Win

"Do you not know that the runners in the stadium all run the same race, but only one wins the prize? Run so as to win. Every athlete exercises discipline in every way. They do it to win a perishable crown, but we an imperishable one. Thus I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight as if I were shadowboxing. No, I drive my body and train it, for fear that, after preaching to others, I myself should be
disqualified." 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Catching a quick breath, Tommy looked around himself at the immense crowd gathered to watch the State Track Meet in the UW-LaCrosse stadium. Matthew and he were jogging around the bright red track early Saturday morning, warming Matthew up for his two-mile race. The two-mile was the first race of the busy second day, and the stands were full of spectators already.
Tommy looked at Matthew, who was jogging slowly at his left, a perfect picture of calmness in his orange and black warm-ups. Matthew was about to endure the biggest trial of his life, and yet he wasn't falling apart with nervousness. He looked incredibly ready to win, serenely jogging along, muscles ready for the trial.
Not wanting to break his intense concentration, Tommy stayed quiet as he jogged at Matthew's side. He looked around at all the tents that lined the grassy edges of the athletic field. He saw the multitudes of athletes preparing for events that meant the world to them. There were pole-vaulters practicing their run-throughs, and high jumpers stretching by their mat. Tommy looked up into the stands as he and Matthew jogged down the homestretch, marveling at the number of people who showed up to watch them.
The weather was a little windy, with the wind blowing at their backs as they crossed the finish line and headed around for another lap. It was Matthew who broke the intense silence. "Do you think I can do it?" he asked.
Tommy responded immediately, "There isn't anybody here who can stand up to you!"
"We'll see about that," Matthew responded, keeping his gaze fixed ahead. "What about our relay?"
"All I know is that we'll go out in a blast," answered Tommy. "That's all that matters, anyway - trying your hardest."
A harried voice came over the intercom, "Second call, boys division three 3200 meter run; second call."
"Hey," Tommy said as the two came to a halt, shaking Matthew's hand, "Good luck - run hard!"
Matthew returned the handshake, and looked around as if searching for the words to say something. "Tommy, let's say a prayer before my race."
"Sure, I guess we could do that."
Tommy and Matthew headed onto the infield, searching for an available spot of grass. Finally finding one toward the middle of the track, Tommy and Matthew took a knee. Both bowing their heads, Tommy started. "In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."
Pausing, searching for the right words for a prayer in this situation, Tommy said, "Lord, help Matt to run to the best of his ability today. You have given him a gift; guide him along his path, and help him to use this gift you have given him. We don't pray for victory, rather we pray for the best race that can possibly be run."
Together the two recited the Our Father, stood up, and shook hands again. Matthew jogged off to get his racing flats while Tommy went off in search of a good vantage point to watch the race.
Tommy could see God at work in the life of his friend. Matthew had a tremendous gift - which was not being able to run faster than everybody else - but rather the gift of perseverance. This gift of being able to outlast a field of runners would be a huge asset in anything Matthew would do with his life. If Matthew were to start the business about which he dreamed, he would have the ability to outlast any problems that would crop up. God had given Matthew a beautiful gift, and Tommy wouldn't miss watching that gift in action for anything.
Watching as the runners lined up in their lanes, Matthew the farthest inside, Tommy was as tense as the runners about to run the race were. He heard the ref cry, "Set!" then heard the pistol crack loudly in the wind.
Tommy listened to the cheers of the enormous crowd as he watched Matthew hold back, running behind the front pack of five runners. Lap after lap Tommy watched and waited, wondering when Matthew would make his move on the front pack that had dwindled to a mere three runners. Finally Matthew persevered, pulling to the lead six laps into the race. Tommy looked on, mesmerized, as his friend pulled away, gaining yard after yard. Matthew seemed to move faster, legs flashing as he approached the finish on his final lap. Past the cheering crowd he went, sprinting down the homestretch and across the finish line, all alone but for the cheers of the spectators.
What a gift, Tommy marveled. God can be so generous, and he couldn't have given it to a better person. Matthew would do well in life; he knew what God had given him, and Tommy saw that he was thankful as Matthew came up to each runner and shook his hand after they crossed the finish line. Continuing his line of thought, Tommy just hoped he had a little of his gift left to use in the relay.
It was with an aura of energy that Matthew broke free from the group of teammates and other congratulators and came up to Tommy, sweat glistening on his forehead. "I did it!" he exclaimed.
"That was awesome; 9:36 is very fast." replied Tommy as the two caught up in a hug. "You just pulled away from the other runners and finished by yourself."
"I know. I had a great race. I have plenty left for the four-by-eight."
"Good." Patting Matthew on the back, Tommy continued, "You can do your cool down by yourself; I don't want to wear myself out too much before my race."
Finished with getting his warm-ups on, Matthew got up. "See you in a little while. Stay focused; your big race is coming up."
Walking around to stay loose, Tommy watched the division two runners run their two mile race, watching a runner with just as much talent as Matthew running away from the pack. He glanced to his left on the infield as he heard the distinctive clank of a pole-vaulter's pole fitting into the grove so the vaulter could fly through the air. Watching all these peers test their gifts against each other, Tommy pondered why competition was so important to him, and seemed to be to so many of his peers as well.
Tommy knew he would never win a race, but this didn't keep him from trying. In fact, Tommy loved trying to win, even when he knew the cause was hopeless. Track and Field, as with any sport, would be boring if only the people who won the races competed. Tommy knew he wasn't alone in the ranks of people who would not win, but still wanted to try.
Why would God inspire him to use his energy in something in which he didn't have any ability? Tommy knew that some people would call the will to continue a "wanna be" attitude. But Tommy wasn't sure how many people he knew had "wanna be" attitudes. Tommy did not want to be as good as Matthew.
Tommy had enough to worry about, following the path God had set out for him; he didn't need to worry about setting out on his own path. Matthew's call by God included running to win - it was one of the gifts given to him, practicing his ability of perseverance, readying himself for tougher trials to come. Tommy's path did not include being able to win races, and Tommy knew this. Tommy could run, and he did, but running was not the same for him as running was for Matthew. For Tommy, running was a means of reaching out to God, while for Matthew running was a means of exercising and honing God's gifts. Tommy knew and accepted his limitations, but still desired to push his abilities to their limits.
With this in mind, Tommy prepared himself for what would be his last race in high school, the four-by-eight hundred meter relay, jogging lightly around the track to the sign-in area.
Tommy was the last one there; Ollie, Stephen, and Matthew were already there. Matthew was still sweaty from his race less than an hour before, but Tommy knew that he still had a half-mile in him.
Stephen looked at Tommy as he sat down to put on his spikes. "Are you ready to run?" he asked tentatively.
Tommy smiled at Stephen and said, "Of course I am." He understood why Stephen and Ollie looked so worried; he was the slowest half-miler on their team, after all.
It was actually Ollie who asked Tommy to lead the group in prayer before they raced. It was with bent knees and bowed heads that Tommy, Ollie, Stephen, and Matthew gathered to pray amid the ruckus of seven other teams preparing to run the heat.
Time seemed to fly just a few minutes later as Ollie started out fast, leaving Port Christopher in fourth place as he slapped the baton into Stephen's hand. Tommy took off his warm-ups, feeling the cool breeze blow his hair, watching Stephen come around the bend after his first lap, holding unsteadily onto third place. Over the roar of the crowd Tommy cheered Stephen on, even while he watched Stephen die on his second lap. Stephen had started out too fast, and was steadily slowing as he came down the homestretch to hand the baton to Tommy.
Finally feeling the hard, metal baton slipped falteringly into his right hand, Tommy took off, noting the six runners in front of him. Half-miles are run much faster than cross country races, and Tommy had never really liked the lightning pace and quick end of so short a race. All the same, Tommy adopted the pace, and clung to his sixth place spot as he rounded the first bend.
Though the race seemed to move too fast for thoughts to drift, Tommy found himself losing his concentration. Tommy glanced at a tall runner in a purple uniform, brown hair waving in the breeze, who was running slightly ahead and to the inside of his position, and noted the small Cross that hung from a chain around his neck. Tommy did not start to think about God, but merely acknowledged his presence.
Running down the homestretch, Tommy was brought quickly back to reality by the sharpness of the breath in his lungs, and the fact that he was unable to feel his legs. Crossing the line with one lap to go, the crowd shouting as they watched the battle for the lead taking place 100 meters ahead of Tommy, he heard Zeb yell, "That was a 64, Tommy - you have to do it again!"
The backstretch didn't look quite so inviting this time, but Tommy ran down it all the same. He barely noticed when the two runners who were behind him passed both him and the runner with the Cross, leaving Tommy in last place. It wasn't with perception, but with a drive to use what little ability he had been given, that he managed to pass the runner with the Cross, and follow right behind the two runners. It was in this position, gasping for air, that Tommy pressed the sweaty baton trustingly into the capable hand of Matthew, getting safely off the track and onto the infield in the process.
Dimly watching Matthew gain a few places, Tommy returned the congratulatory slaps on the back from Stephen and Ollie. "How'd I run?" he asked, still breathing hard.
"It was about a 2:09," answered Ollie. "We've all run our fastest times so far, but the competition's doing even better."
Matthew came around the bend, holding onto seventh place desperately as he tried to keep up with the maniac pace. Tommy empathized with him as Matthew ran abreast to the tall runner in the purple uniform who was wearing the Cross. Then it was as if the jets were turned on. Matthew's legs suddenly seemed to move faster, and the runner with the Cross was history, and all of a sudden, the two runners that had passed Tommy looked reachable, one only ten meters ahead.
"Let's go!" Stephen cried at the top of his lungs, seeing Matthew speed by on the track." With the distance closing steadily, the reawakened crowd started cheering. The winner was already determined, moving along 20 meters ahead of his closest competitor, leaving the crowd with nothing to cheer for until Matthew made his move.
Tommy assumed the first of the runners finally caught on to the fact that he was being reeled in as Tommy saw him glance at Matthew. That runner tried to pick up the pace, but Tommy, and the rest of the stadium, could see that it was no use. Matthew flashed by before turning the final bend, and Tommy strained his eyes to watch him as the winner crossed the line, all by himself.
Matthew was still going strong. Tommy could see the strain in the grimace on his face, but he wasn't looking out into space, but at the finish line, a mere 100 meters straight ahead. Like a short distance runner, Matthew sprinted on, closing the distance between himself and sixth place in the heat. He and the sixth place runner were nearly abreast now, only a few meters from Tommy and the finish line. Suddenly, with one last surge, Matthew sped even faster, crossing the finish line a neck ahead of the other runner.
Tommy ran out onto the track, as did the rest of the Port Christopher relay team. He and Stephen caught Matthew before he could fall, bringing him to the edge of the track.
"Wow!" Tommy said to the breathless Matthew. "That was something else!"
Matthew, beyond words for just a moment, finally got enough air in his lungs to answer the trio crouching next to him. "Thank God!" he gasped, "what a way for us to finish!"
CHAPTER FIFTEEN

The Greatest Miracle of All

"Then he took the bread, said the blessing, broke it, and gave it to them, saying, 'This is my body, which will be given to you; do this in memory of me.' And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying, 'This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which will be shed for you." Luke 22:19-20

Tommy was sitting in St. Mary's once again on Sunday morning. He was unable to attend church with his grandfather the night before, having gotten back from State around nine o'clock. The pews of St. Mary's were already filling with parishioners; Tommy, still tired from his two minutes and nine seconds of intense running, hadn't gotten up very early.
Church is meant to be a community activity, and Tommy was well aware of this, but all the same he liked to sit by himself at Mass. Something happened in the celebration of the Eucharist, and if Tommy failed to pay attention, it seemed to him that it simply passed him by. Sitting all by himself, a few pews from the front, Tommy was focused, desiring with all his heart not to miss any part of the beautiful celebration of the Eucharist.
Tommy didn't even notice when the pew in which he was sitting began to fill with people he knew. Deep in meditative thought, he was ready to call it prayer, Tommy contemplated the Liturgy of the Eucharist - for it was in the Eucharist, he knew, that he came closest to Christ.
In his mind's eye, Tommy could envision the miracle that took place: Father Christopher taking the place of Christ, standing before the Altar, repeating the words of Consecration, raising the Chalice high in the air. What a privilege! What responsibility! Tommy couldn't imagine himself ever being pure enough to take on such a duty. Taking the place of Christ was no small thing, and just for a moment Tommy questioned his call. Could you really want me, Lord, the terrible sinner that I am, to take your place at the Altar? I am so unworthy, Lord; what miracle could you perform that could make me worthy to act in your place?
There was no experience of an overt form of revelation in the pew that Sunday morning as he sat, head bowed, but rather a resolution. Tommy resolved that he would do his best to make himself worthier of the immense privilege and responsibility of the priesthood.
It was with this resolution that Tommy attended the Mass that morning, listening to the readings and the Gospel, hearing Father Christopher's homily, and taking all he heard to heart. Though the Liturgy of the Word was irreplaceably important, it was the Liturgy of the Eucharist, the Sacramental pinnacle of the revelation of Christ, the most important component of his life, that Tommy awaited with eagerness that particular Sunday morning.
Father Christopher, acting in Persona Christi - in the Person of Christ - stood at the Altar of God, prepared to change the bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ. Tommy watched closely, kneeling in his pew as Father Christopher took the Host into his right hand, looked at the sacramentary on the Altar, and said, "The day before he suffered he took in his sacred hands, and looking up to heaven, to you, his almighty Father, he gave you thanks and praise. He broke the bread, gave it to his disciples, and said: Take this, all of you, and eat it: this is my body which will be given up for you."
Raising the Host far above his head, Father Christopher's face glistened with the sweat of a man who knew he was doing something great. Tommy watched intently as the Host was raised high above the Altar, seeing no physical change in the Host, but aware in his heart of the tremendous change that had taken place.
Father Christopher laid the Consecrated Host carefully on the Paten, and genuflected before the Altar. Tommy bowed his head in respect for the action that had just taken place, knowing full well the tremendous and wonderful beauty of the gift laid out on the Altar. Rising again, Father Christopher began, "When supper was ended," and, taking the Chalice into his hands continued, "he took the cup. Again he gave thanks and praise, gave the cup to his disciples, and said: Take this, all of you, and drink from it: this is my blood, the blood of the new and everlasting covenant. It will be shed for you and for all so that sins may be forgiven. Do this in memory of me."
Father Christopher raised the Chalice high, and Tommy watched, in awe of the Eucharistic mystery. As Father Christopher set the Chalice down and knelt, Tommy bowed his head once again before the Consecrated Bread and Wine, the Body and Blood of Christ, which lay before him on the Altar.
Deep in contemplation, parts of the Liturgy sped by, Tommy hardly noticing. The Lamb of God hymn brought Tommy back, as it was addressed in Latin. "Agnus Dei," intoned the cantor.
The congregation - those who knew the Latin response - answered, "qui tollis peccata mundi; Miserere nobis."
The cantor repeated the phrase, and the congregation responded once again. The third time the cantor intoned the phrase, the congregation responded, "Dona nobis pacem."
The phrase, which Tommy knew to mean in English, "Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world; have mercy on us," and the last time, "Grant us peace," caught Tommy. He knew that Jesus Christ, the "Lamb of God," was before him on the Altar. He knew that this was the Christ to whom the congregation begged to take away their sins. Christ wasn't in some far away place, hearing their plea distantly, he was immediately before them, hearing their cry for mercy clearly and distinctly. This proximity, the very presence of Christ caught Tommy by surprise. So often he imagined God in a far-off place, hearing prayers from a distance. This was certainly not so at this moment, a moment in which Christ stood before Tommy and the rest of the congregation, ready to answer their plea of "Miserere nobis," or "Have mercy on us."
Kneeling, Tommy listened as Father Christopher confirmed the fact that the Consecrated Bread and Wine on the Altar was truly the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ: "This is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. Happy are those who are called to his supper."
Responding to this confirmation, Tommy said with all in the church, "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed."
It wasn't long after making this plea to God that Tommy was on his feet, heading up the main aisle to receive Communion. He watched people genuflect or cross themselves as they prepared to take in the Body of Christ, distributed by Father Christopher. Finally it was Tommy's turn, and he stood before Father Christopher, who stated, holding the Consecrated Host before Tommy, "The body of Christ."
Tommy, knowing full well what was to be placed in his crossed palms responded, "Amen," as he fervently said in his heart, let it be so!
After receiving the Blood of Christ in the same manner, though from an elderly lady whom he knew was active in the parish, Tommy headed back to his seat, deep in contemplation, hardly hearing the communion hymn, "On Eagles Wings," which everybody else was singing in the background. Tommy knelt on the kneeler in his pew, crossed himself and bowed his head, closing his eyes.
The first thing Tommy did was offer the Gift which he had just received for his friend Matthew. Though Tommy knew Matthew was blessed in many ways, Tommy prayed that he would use the gifts God had given him correctly. He prayed that the Gift he had just received would be utilized by his friend, allowing Matthew to follow the path to which Christ - the Gift - was calling him. It was with other people in mind, those who meant the most to him, that Tommy received the Gift himself, taking into himself the Strength by which he would become worthy to offer that Gift to others.
A little later, as Tommy walked out of church after the throngs of parishioners had filed out, he met Father Christopher coming back to the sacristy to change. "Tommy, I've been looking for you."
"Hello Father," Tommy said, grasping Father Christopher's hand. "How are you this morning?"
"I'm doing just fine," Father Christopher answered. "Would you join me for breakfast - we could go to Perkins."
"Sure, I guess so," Tommy replied.
"Wait a moment; I have to change." Father Christopher turned and walked briskly to the sacristy to change out of his liturgical garments.
It was while waiting for their bacon and eggs that Tommy and Father Christopher talked.
Beginning, taking a sip of his ice water, Father Christopher asked, "So are you ready to go to seminary?"
"Well," answered Tommy, not sure where to put his elbows when eating in public, eventually leaving his arms at his sides, hands on his lap, "tomorrow I will be interviewed by the Diocesan Board and hopefully accepted by the Bishop. If he accepts me, I'll be going."
"Are you nervous?"
"No… Well, maybe a little bit."
"Don't be too nervous. They won't reject you unless there is something really wrong with you."
"I don't know," answered Tommy. "Just being interviewed like that puts doubts in my mind. It's almost as if I'll get up there, they'll start asking me questions, and I'll be fake. I have nightmares that I'll get up there and no longer have the call, and they'll see right through me."
"Tommy, you've gone through too much trouble for your call to be based on a silly, false notion. I can see that God is calling you to discern his call in this fashion, and what I see is a truth that cannot be falsified. The Holy Spirit will be with you, and will put the answers that support this truth in your mouth; I wouldn't worry at all if I were you."
"Good," said Tommy, a little relieved.
"I hope you haven't gotten yourself a Breviary yet," Father Christopher said.
"No. Why?"
"I got you a copy of the Liturgy of the Hours, and I wasn't sure if you already had one," he answered, pulling a small, brown book out of the small satchel he carried.
"Cool - I'm glad you did - I wasn't sure where to get one. Thank you!" Tommy examined the book as Father Christopher handed it to him.
"You know that this book is very important to priests and religious, don't you?"
Tommy nodded. "Father Perry explained it to me."
"Good. Make sure you follow his advice. There are two ways a priest helps his parishioners: through the sacraments, and through prayer. It is through the Divine Office that a priest is able to bring the needs and concerns of his parishioners to God in prayer."
"I got you one more thing," Father Christopher said, fishing in his satchel again, and holding up a Rosary. "Many young people are starting to pray the Rosary again, realizing how valuable an instrument of prayer it is. Do you know how to pray the Rosary?"
"Yes, my grandfather taught me." Tommy examined the simple Rosary. Its black, plastic beads were held together with a durable chain. The Cross that hung from the end showed Christ hanging below the inscription, "INRI - The King of the Jews." The small piece of metal that joined the ring of the Rosary depicted Mary, the Mother of God on one side, and the Sacred Heart of Jesus on the other. "It's beautiful," Tommy exclaimed, running the beads through his fingers.
Father Christopher finished his ice water. "Make sure you use it. I guarantee that if you pray a decade of the Rosary every day, you'll grow much closer to Christ, and be better prepared for the priesthood because of it."
"I'll pray, Father."
Laughing, giving more advice on studying for the priesthood, and telling old stories of his own seminary days, Father Christopher imparted to Tommy all that he would need to know to be a good seminarian. Little by little, Tommy lost the anxiety he felt over his interview on Monday, and instead looked forward to expressing his desire to prepare for the priesthood and the service of Christ.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Acceptance

"Then Jesus approached and said to them, 'All power in heaven and on earth had been given to me. Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, until the end of
the age.'" Matthew 28:18-20

Tommy had time to spare Monday morning, arriving at the diocesan headquarters over an hour before his scheduled appointment. Stepping out of the Matthew's battered pickup once again loaned to him for a long drive, Tommy looked around himself.
The diocese's headquarters were housed in the old seminary - which was no longer utilized due to decreased numbers of seminarians. Situated on a hill, the old seminary overlooked the city. Tommy could make out cars and people going about their business in the small city situated among the rolling hills of this portion of Wisconsin. The building was old, large and made of stone. With its gracefully sloped roof, and vine-covered walls, the large building impressed Tommy.
Deciding that he had better find where he would have to go for his appointment, Tommy opened the giant, heavy door, and entered the building. The floor was tiled inside, and the ceiling was tall and arched. The entrance was far from quiet; Tommy could see workers laughing and joking as they were busily painting a dining room straight ahead from where Tommy had entered.
Following the signs that pointed to the large conference room where Father Perry had told him he was to be interviewed, Tommy walked down the hallway. Tommy found the marked suite, and entered the small, adjoined office. He was surprised to find the room full of young men and one harried, old woman with permed, white hair - the secretary. Walking up to the woman, Tommy said, "My name is Thomas Hanson. I'm here to check in for my interview."
The old woman looked up, and asked, "Are you one of the seminarian candidates?"
"Yes."
"Let me see if I can find your name here," the white-haired, old lady said, glancing over a list on top of the many other papers on her desk. "Ah, here you are - Thomas. Your appointment is at 10:15; have a seat."
Tommy thanked the lady, and found himself a seat next to a gangly young man with short, blonde hair, looking spiffy in his white shirt and jet-black tie.
"Hi," the young man said, leaning over to Tommy and extending his right hand, "My name is Phillip."
"I'm Thomas," Tommy responded, shaking Phillip's hand. "Call me Tommy."
"You can call me Phil. What time is your interview?"
"Not for a little while. Do you know what they'll ask us?"
"No," Phil responded, "not really, but Father Perry told me not to worry, so I'm not."
Just then the door to the conference room opened, and Father Perry came out with a larger young man with brown hair and thick glasses. "Thanks Chris," he said to the young man. "The Bishop will be in the next room over."
Chris turned to leave, and Father Perry beckoned to Phillip, saying hello to Tommy and all the others in the room at the same time. Tommy watched as Phillip went into the large, dark room with Father Perry. Burying his head in a magazine, Tommy killed time, nervous once again.
Much later, after many trips to the little office, Father Perry finally beckoned for Tommy to come with him. Hands wet, Tommy followed the stout priest into the room. Eyes adjusting, Tommy looked around himself, noting the huge conference table around which many people were seated. There was a mixture of people at the table, more men than women, but both sexes represented. Tommy saw many priests, and two nuns as well, distinguished by their black habits. There were also many lay people. Tommy noticed an old lady, well dressed, and a few older gentlemen, dressed in suits and ties.
The seats at both ends of the table, which was as long as it was large, were empty. Father Perry indicated for Tommy to be seated on the end closest to the door, while he walked over the other end, and took a seat.
Father Perry began. "This is Thomas Hanson, just out of high school, from Port Christopher," he said to the men and women at the table. "Thomas, members of the board will ask you a few questions. We just want to get a feel for how you stand on a few things, get a background, and see where you fit. The board consists of a former rector, Father Snow." An old priest raised his hand. "We have some Franciscan Sisters of St. Joseph, Sister Miriam Therese and Sister Leocadia, as well as several other parish priests from the diocese," Father Perry pointed to the row of men in clerics to Tommy's left. "Also present are Mr. Kissel," he pointed to a large, redheaded and perspiring man dressed in a suit, "and Mr. Jurgella. Both of these men are lay representatives of the diocese."
Pausing, Father Perry said, "I'll start. How long have you been discerning a call to the priesthood?"
Wondering if his answer would hurt his chances, Tommy said, "It's been less than a year, actually."
"And how did your discernment process start?"
Throwing caution to the wind, wanting to paint a complete picture of what he felt deep in his heart, Tommy began to articulate. "Less than a year ago, God and I were at odds. I had just found out how my parents had died, and it seemed to me that losing them was all God's fault. I tried to blame him for all that had happened, but something happened inside me, and I could no longer blame him for I could see that God had given me so much. God went from being my scapegoat to my confidant." Tommy stopped, wondering at what exact moment he had felt called to the priesthood.
"I don't think that there was any particular moment in which God told me, 'You're going to be a priest,' but it was a whole bunch of little things instead. I remember looking at a graveyard of all things last fall, a graveyard of nuns, and thinking about how they had all consecrated their entire lives to God's service. I remember knowing then that I could do the same."
Mr. Kissel, the large, sweaty gentleman, spoke up, "Was there a specific person who may have influenced your decision?"
Thinking for a moment, Tommy answered. "My pastor, Father Christopher, probably influenced me a lot. He sets a good example of what a priest is supposed to do. I always see him hard at work, preaching, administering the Sacraments, and helping his parishioners with anything they need. I see him do all that he does, and desire to follow in his footsteps. I know that we are to follow Christ, but I would envision myself following Christ in the footsteps of men I see following Christ. I don't think I would be strong enough to do it without the example of men like Father Christopher."
One of the nuns, Tommy wasn't sure if it was Sister Miriam Therese or Sister Leocadia, asked, "Was there any particular holy saint that you asked to intercede on your behalf?"
Searching his mind, Tommy wasn't sure how to answer. Sure, he asked for Saints to pray for him, but he hadn't taken a single Saint as his guide, his compass from which to draw strength. Then he remembered Father Christopher's advice. "I haven't put too much thought into the matter before, but Father Christopher gave me a Rosary yesterday, and told me that if I prayed a decade each day, asking for the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary, I would be much better prepared for the priesthood."
The nun nodded, a hint of a smile playing on her old, creased face. "A relationship with the Mother of God is probably one of the most important assets a seminarian can have. She will guide you through any trouble you encounter, and give you the strength to overcome any obstacle. Mary will also bring you closer to Christ, as she is full of God's grace, and priests need to be very close to Christ. Take her as your model and compass, and you will be doing very well."
The interview went on, many of the diocesan priests asking about the particulars of how Tommy felt about Vatican II, how he felt about the Eucharist, and even how his grandfather influenced his decision. Tommy answered all their questions without hesitation - he answered with such conviction and eloquence that it seemed to him that it the words flowed out of thin air, and out of his mouth. He gave thanks to God.
Even so, Tommy felt very relieved when Father Perry stood up and said, "I think that's all we have for you, Thomas. Congratulations, you're accepted as a seminarian for the diocese."
Smiling, knees trembling just a little, Tommy shook Father Perry's hand, then went around the table, shaking the hands of each and every person on the board.
"Now you get to meet the Bishop," Father Perry said. "You'll find him in the next room over." Father Perry and Tommy walked out of the dark conference room, and back into the busy office. "Congratulations again," he said as Tommy thanked him, and walked out of the office, face radiant with a smile, though he was nervous once again as he went in to meet the Bishop.
Tommy observed the partially open door of the office before him, wondering if he should knock. Finally he did, tapping lightly on the door which was inscribed with the Bishop's name.
"Come on in," Tommy heard a deep voice say.
Pushing the door open, Tommy was greeted by a short man with black hair and a beardless face. The man, while short of stature, held a commanding presence, wearing the clerics of a priest that looked no different than Father Christopher's except for the Pectoral Cross the Bishop wore. Tommy also noticed the large ring that adorned the Bishop's right hand
Standing and smiling, shaking his hand, the Bishop greeted Tommy. "How was your interview."
"Well," Tommy said, "They accepted me."
"That's the important thing," The Bishop laughed. Seating himself, the Bishop indicated for Tommy to do the same. "We don't have much time; I just want you to tell me a little bit about yourself, and what you hope to do."
Unsure of what to tell the man to whom he would someday promise obedience, Tommy started by telling him about his parents, his grandfather, school, running, St. Mary's, and how he had come to the point he was now at. During all this, the Bishop listened gravely, seeming to soak up every word.
Then, trying to put all his dreams and aspirations into as few words as he could, Tommy said, "I feel God is calling me to the priesthood, and I feel that I've started the journey today. Everything up to this point, all the ways God has changed me, conforming me to him more and more, have been a preparation for the journey. Priesthood is all I want out of life. I want it to be a great journey - one that I know will be difficult at times - but one that will take up my whole life. I want it to be my journey to God, and I want to be able to take other people with me as I travel."
The Bishop smiled, grasped Tommy's arm, and said, "You will make a great priest some day. Keep up the good work, and do well in your studies in seminary. Continue to grow in your faith. Your journey has started; don't ever let it end."
Tommy found himself in the former seminary's chapel, noticing none of the trappings, but only the beautiful Tabernacle situated behind the Altar of God. He was kneeling on the cold, marble floor immediately before the Altar, praying to Christ, unmistakably present before him.
Closing his eyes, Tommy asked for the intercession of the Blessed Virgin, praying that he might be given Food for the journey, the Christ he saw before him.

ON TO THE EPILOGUE